Writing
Here’s a portfolio of some of the writing I’ve done.
Comedy
The New Yorker
McSweeney’s
Acknowledgments Page for the Email I Put Off for Seven Weeks and Finally Sent
T. J. Eckleburg Follows Up With His Branding Consultant
Which Succession Character Are You?
Understanding Your Michael Myers-Briggs Type
The Protagonist’s Best Friend Would Like to Stop Having to Shoehorn So Much Exposition Into Their Dialogue (A Newsletter of Humorous Writing’s Top 15 Articles of 2022)
If Billionaires Are “Immoral” and “Shouldn’t Exist,” Then Why Do I Want to Be One So Bad?
A Grizzled, Months-Old Chrome Tab Welcomes a Fresh-Faced New Tab to My Browser Window
I Am the Designer of This Restaurant’s Outdoor Seating Space, and This Is My Artist’s Statement (McSweeney’s 7th most read article of 2021)
Points in Case
I’d Like To Have Kids, But I’m Not Sure It’s Ethical To Bring Children Into A World Where Their Dad Would Be Me (Points In Case’s Top 16 Articles of 2023 and A Newsletter of Humorous Writing’s Top 15 Articles of 2023)
In the Metaverse, You Can Do Anything! Except Stop Being Depressed
I Am Surprise Releasing My Album, Technically, Because Nobody Knows Who I Am
You Can't Judge a Book by Its Cover, Because They All Just Have the Same Colorful Blobs These Days
Your Honor, Have You Heard of the Mandela Effect?
How To Appropriately Move The Goalposts On Your 2020 Resolutions
I, The Kid Who Always Slept Through Your Freshman English Class, Would Like To Connect On LinkedIn
Little Old Lady
It’s Important To Eat Local, Which Is Why I Only Eat Whatever Food My Roommates Have In The Fridge
Medium
Plays
In addition to my collaborations with Skylar Fox for our theatre company Nightdrive, I’ve written some plays on my own.
Narrators
Bill is a narrator. Walter is a narrator, too. Stephen is a stagehand for narrators, but he wishes he were a narrator. Being a narrator is the best job in the world. But as these narrators’ myopic world begins to fold in on itself, and all they talk about is talking (and talking about talking), it becomes increasingly unclear which stories are worth telling—or worth living.
Narrators won the 2015 Samuel French Off-Off-Broadway Festival, and is available for purchase and licensing from Concord Theatricals.
The Simon Henriques VIP Experience
Enjoy an intimate, exclusive meet-and-greet with one of modern culture’s most iconic figures: Simon Henriques. Come hear about his illustrious career, delve into the sordid details of his personal life, and find out whether it’s possible to become successful and happy simply by insisting it’s true. (It is.) (It IS.)
The Simon Henriques VIP Experience premiered at The Brick as part of the ?! New Works Festival in April 2023.
The Tomato and the Onion
Marie has a tomato. It’s a metaphor for her heart. When she’s decides she’s ready to give it to George, George unwittingly takes a bite. What metaphorical ramifications will this have for their budding romance? And—far more importantly—what real ramifications will Marie’s obsession with metaphor have for their budding romance?
The Tomato and the Onion premiered at the Source Festival in Washington, DC in June 2015. DC Theatre Scene said that “writer Simon Henriques has a knack for natural humor” and called the show “a case study in how to squeeze satisfying plot and character development into a scant ten minutes.”
Events
I’ve helped write scripts for the Obie Awards for the American Theatre Wing, Ars Nova’s fundraising galas, and Project Sing Out!, a Webby Award-honored benefit for the Educational Theatre Foundation starring Whoopi Goldberg, Don Cheadle, Robin Roberts, and more.